


Not Nothing

by swamp_thing



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: "Welcome to Korea", Drabble, M/M, angsty fluff, bj and hawkeye bonding, boy just wanted a note, friendship ended with "trapper" john mcintyre now bj hunnicut is my best friend, hawkeye misses trapper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:01:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24350245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swamp_thing/pseuds/swamp_thing
Summary: It's been a week since Trapper left without and parting words, and tonight in particular it's keeping Hawkeye awake.
Relationships: "Trapper" John McIntyre/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, B. J. Hunnicutt & Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	Not Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> This scene has been sitting in my WIPs for a while now, and I had no idea what to do with it. Hope you enjoy!

What was it? A week? Time had a funny way of taking long, long vacations when the days could last until 3:00AM and the nights until noon, but he was fairly certain it had been about a week, and that was much longer than Hawkeye had planned to be thinking about this. Thinking about nothing, really. Specifically, the nothing that Trapper had left him. He shifted in his bunk, a little uncomfortably. It bothered him how much it hurt, not having a letter or a note to go back to, to skim, to have something left of his best friend. He thought about all the things he would have said if he had to leave, everything he could have poured onto a page knowing he would lose his constant companion of over a year without even being able to say goodbye. Was there really nothing he wanted to say? Nothing? He rolled over again, shoving his face into the stiff pillow, willing himself not to think about it. He knew Trapper loved him. He knew that. Enough to make Radar kiss him on the cheek. But all of the sudden he felt like he had nothing, not even any parting words, and the nothingness felt like everything. He was still sitting in hell, just like the week before, but alone. He kicked his thin blanket to the bottom of the bunk in agitation. 

“Pierce?”

BJ’s voice almost made him jump. He had forgotten he wasn’t completely alone. But he didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t want to bear his heart to a stranger. He could barely talk to Sidney.  
“You’re not usually an insomniac.” he persisted.

“You’re so observant.” Hawkeye replied finally. “You should've been a psychiatrist.” He untensed himself a bit and put an arm under his head, staring at the ceiling. “I’m just thinking about my old tentmate. I told you about him, I tried to catch him before he left, it’s how I met you at the airfield. I missed him by ten minutes.” he stopped, feeling his voice about to crack. “I guess it’s just weighing on me tonight.”

“Did he leave you a note or anything?” BJ asked.

His heart panged with hurt again. “No.” he said flatly. “No, he didn’t. Nothing.”

“Nothing?” BJ sounded incredulous, maybe even a little offended on his behalf.

“Well…” Hawk began before thinking better of it.

BJ turned to listen, and Hawkeye sighed. It was a little late to back out now, and he was fairly confident that he could play it off as a joke, worst case scenario. (That was his go-to plan, anyway.)

“He left me a kiss.”

“...How?” BJ asked. Hawkeye wanted to laugh just thinking about it.

“He made Radar do it.” He said. “Told the kid to kiss me on the cheek for him.”

They both chuckled at the thought.

“Poor kid.” BJ smiled.

“Hey, I’m not that bad.” Hawkeye joked back. They both laid in silence for a moment, listening to crickets.

“Hawkeye?” BJ sid at last.

“Mm?”

“Can I say something? For real?”

“Of course.”

“That doesn’t sound like ‘nothing’ to me.” 

Hawkeye thought about it. He was someone who could pour his heart out if he got close enough. But maybe some things, unspoken things, could be just as powerful. A kiss could say a lot. And a kiss couldn’t be hijacked by someone like Burns and be means for suspicion, or even a discharge. Maybe it could mean even more than everything Hawkeye could write. “Thank you for making hell bearable”, “I’ll miss pulling these types of jokes with you”, or, simplest of all, “I love you.”  
That wasn’t nothing at all. 

“I guess you’re right, Beej.”


End file.
